There are days when I’m at peace with the way life is going and then there are days, rather phases, when I want to start fresh. Give up on everything and everyone I have known to be on my own. It is a privilege to have people around who love you but it is also suffocating.
The idea of your own people observing or judging you is troubling. It limits you. Any animal for example a cat wouldn’t dare experimenting and acting like a dog in front of its kind.
It’s not like I want to do something in particular, but knowing eyes give me the creeps. I cannot just go through something and handle it alone peacefully, even if they’d give me the space, the knowledge that they know. They know what I’m dealing with, is what suffocates me.
To be somewhere, surrounded by strangers is comforting.